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Although coming out is a huge part of your life as an LGBTQ person and can be a liberating experience, it’s not for everyone, and some men are rejecting this what you embrace their label but have sex with guys who don’t?Does it mean their lovers are any less available to them because they won’t pick a side?Of course, nobody needs a label, but for gay and bi guys who worked hard to establish their identity, how does it feel when the man they’re sleeping with won’t do the same?It depends how things play out, whether it’s out in the open or “our little secret”.What does it mean to put a label on your sexuality, to assign a category to your own existence? Does it result from your actions, or how you feel inside?There’s no denying labels can be very important, to help people forge a sense of identity in a world where they may feel more marginalised – every letter in the growing LGBTQIA alphabet has fought for and earned its place."He always said he wasn’t gay, but he didn’t believe in bisexuality, either, and he said it so many times over the years."Although gay pornography sells the idea that fun with your “straight mate” is the ultimate fantasy, the reality can be very different.Simon was 17 when his hitherto straight best friend made a move on him.
James identifies as gay, but his first proper relationship was with a man who did not.“The whole time he wasn’t comfortable holding hands or kissing outside.” Even though PDAs were kept to a minimum, it didn’t take long for word to get out.“Friends said they saw the way he was with me, and started assuming he was gay so adjusted their behaviour accordingly.” When Dom found out, things regressed further.But he didn’t label himself.“He’s now dating a girl, but because he was so honest and caring and genuine, with never a hint of torment about his sexuality, I took it in my stride.When someone’s that relaxed, and unguarded, it kind of rubs off on you.”Perhaps, then, it’s not the label that’s important, but the openness and the willingness to commit to a relationship, whatever your sexuality.
“He admitted he found me interesting and wanted to hang out, and eventually we slept together.